My Only Experience In Parenting Didn’t End Well For the Tamagotchi: Is There Any Hope For The Squatter?

We’ve hit the point when we are suppose to be prepared for the impending arrival of the squatter. Yesterday I was told off by the midwife for not having our bags packed in case I go in to labour. I explained that even when I moved to the UK I didn’t pack my bag until the hour before I left. But apparently more thought needs to go into labour bag packing and I need to bring a long list of things which include things I didn’t know were for when you have a baby, like breast pads ( I thought you only buy those at Victoria Secret, but these things are actual tools that help lactating women with nipple drip?!)  We also are still really struggling with girls names, if it is a girl there is a serious possibility that we end up calling it ‘the baby formally known as squatter,’ for the first 6 weeks of its life.  I am sure we will figure these things out in the next few weeks, but it’s starting to look like I am as good at this parenting thing as I was at rearing a Tamagotchi.

But there are so so so many things we have done. With the help of family and friends, and a very very determined Dobble, the nursery is almost finished, the kitchen is almost done and we have some items that babies need for survival in the western world, like a moses basket, breast pump and stroller. The breast pump looks like the scariest thing I have ever seen and am pretty sure none of my life skills will have prepared me for how to become a milk machine, but here’s to learning new tricks?

When we finish the nursery and kitchen I will put up more pics. For now though, nursery is light gray, kitchen is a diesel and I am a happy prego.

One day this will be the squatters digs

One day this will be the squatters digs

Painting partyPainting PartyPainting partyThe cutest little locket, my neice fell asleep on me during all the painting fun

I can not wait to have the squatter in my arms, to be a mom and watch Dobble become a dad. But also a large piece of me can’t wait to see my minge again! Oh where have you been these past few months?! Look at that bump, you can’t see anything past the belly button.


Obligatory mirror selfie

And although we have no idea what the sex of the squatter is, it seems everyone else does. I’ve realised that when you are pregnant lots of people you don’t even know are interested in your baby, it’s a fabulous networking tool and works great because the Squatter is all I want to talk about too! The consensus according to the bump is the Squatter is a boy,  but there are a couple of outliers out there like my Sissy and the Chinese Lunar Calendar who say we’ve got a girl. And while originally I was absolutely terrified of having a girl, I no longer have an opinion on the sex. All I want is my baby. And a name for my baby if it is a girl….

Going to Dig the Squatters Crib

Ohh the nursery, something that is not necessary (plenty of people have babies without their own bedrooms) and won’t be needed right away, but is something I can not wait to get my hands on. There is something that feels more real about the squatter when there is a space for she/he.

We’ve got a way to go, but in one week Dobble took the future nursery from this


To this


This guy is on fire. I’m even more useless than normal. I’m able to clean (reluctantly), cook and join him on trips to the skip. But I am making a baby- meaning I’m being healthy and sober, and still losing my waistline day by day.

I’m not the sort of person who does one mood board and sticks to the script. I make 10 moodboard and end up using a little bit from each of them so it ends up either like a well organised jazz trill or a disastrous screech.

So here is my first attempt

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For those of you who’ve followed this blog for awhile there will be one thing that will strike you as odd in this mood board. That’s right, white. I want a light and white nursery. Pregnancy is weird. You’ll know I haven’t completely changed as I also want to dress my baby up in ridiculous lion coats and cardboard dinosaur costumes.

We hit the 20 week mark now, meaning the squatter is the size of a mango. I’m pretty sure by the time it’s a watermelon Abe will have a finished room for she/he.